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To the tune of Rebel Rebel

Neville Neville, you play in defence,
Neville Neville, your play is immense,
Neville Neville, like Jacko you’re bad,
Neville Neville is the name of your dad

Here’s a beauty sung at Highbury when Cygan is drafted in as emergency
cover…
He’s bald,
He’s sh*t,
He gets a game when no-one’s fit,
Pascal Cygan! Pascal Cygan!

Sung by Birmingham fans after Heskey started banging in the goals at St
Andrews…
Theres only one Emile Heskey,
one Emile Heskey,
He used to be sh**e,
But now hes alright,
Walking in a Heskey wonderland

In reference to Jaime Carragher’s dad being banned from football stadia
after being arrested for being drunk at a football match..
He’s red,
He’s sound,
He’s banned from every ground,
Carra’s dad, Carra’s dad

He’s here, he’s there
We’re not allowed to swear
Frank Leboeuf, Frank Leboeuf”
Chelsea fans after Leboeuf said in a radio interview that he didn’t like
the idea of a swear word in his song.

the premier league is upside down
the premier league is upside down
we’r up the top chelsea bottom
the premier league is upside down
then a few seconds later
champions……………champions………….champions

Saturday 3rd December - 15:00 kick off

Liverpool 3 - 0 Wigan

Peter Crouch ended his agonising wait for a goal in style as Liverpool earned their sixth league win in a row. Crouch thought he had opened the scoring but his deflected shot, which was helped in by Mike Pollitt, was later credited to the Wigan keeper.

But there were no doubts about the giant hitman’s next effort, when he superbly lifted the ball over the advancing Pollitt to double the lead.

Luis Garcia chested in from Fernando Morientes’ header to seal the victory.

Crouch received a standing ovation when he was withdrawn after 74 minutes and his relief was tangible.

That was hardly surprising - when the 11th minute passed he had gone 24 hours without scoring for club or country.

Rafael Benitez’s side started at an electric pace, with Steven Gerrard playing two gorgeous passes inside the Wigan full-backs to keep the visitors pinned back.

And it was no surprise that they took the lead 19 minutes in. Everyone inside a packed Anfield believed that the 6ft 7in had finally broken his duck only for the goal to be awarded to the unfortunate Pollitt.

Crouch lashed in a shot from 20 yards, it looped ludicrously high and goalwards off Leighton Baines and as the ball fell out of the sky, Pollitt incredulously hooked it into the goal instead of over the bar.

Six minutes before the break Harry Kewell should have scored his first of the season, but the subdued Australian side-footed wide from close-range.

It was left to the on-fire Crouch to double the advantage and if the opener had a touch of the ridiculous about it, this one was sublime.

He allowed a long ball from Steve Finnan to bounce in front of him before beautifully lifting it over the advancing Pollitt and into the net.

Wigan’s only hope of getting back into the game was an early riposte after the break and they went agonisingly close when Graham Kavanagh’s sweetly-stuck volley flew inches over the bar.

Moments later Morientes climbed high to meet a Finnan cross from the right, only to see his clever header cannon back off the bar.

Jimmy Bullard’s shot was well-saved by Jose Reina at the other end as Wigan pressed but some sloppy defending soon after cost them dearly.

Morientes was not picked up at a corner and his header was diverted into the net off the chest of Garcia.

Gerrard and Morientes were both denied by magnificent Pollitt saves late on as a rampant Liverpool eased home and picked up their eighth successive clean sheet into the bargain.

——————————————————————————-

Liverpool striker Peter Crouch:
“I’m really pleased because I was getting a bit of stick recently. It was a great team performance and it was good to get the three points.
“To score was great, I’m pleased and I can move on now, hopefully.

“I am naturally buoyant and a happy person but at times it was getting me down but the goal has gone in and I can get on with things now.”

Wigan boss Paul Jewell:
“It was hard work watching that. We didn’t go at them in the first half and put them under pressure.
“We were better in the second period, but when we come to places like Liverpool, anything we get is a bonus.

“People accuse me of being negative, but surely they can see we are playing against world-class players every week now. I know what we are up against.”

——————————————————————————–

Liverpool: Reina, Finnan, Hyypia, Carragher, Warnock, Luis Garcia, Gerrard, Alonso (Hamann 67), Kewell (Riise 62), Crouch (Cisse 73), Morientes.
Subs Not Used: Carson, Josemi.

Booked: Hyypia.

Goals: Pollitt 19 og, Crouch 42, Luis Garcia 70.

Wigan: Pollitt, Chimbonda, Henchoz, De Zeeuw (Jackson 35), Baines, Bullard, Kavanagh (Skoko 78), Francis (Connolly 66), McCulloch, Roberts, Camara.
Subs Not Used: Walsh, Taylor.

Booked: Chimbonda, Henchoz.

www.bbc.co.uk/football

Saturday 3rd December - 15:00 kick off

Chelsea 1 - 0 Middlesborough

Premiership leaders Chelsea had to show patience and perseverance to beat a determined Middlesbrough side courtesy of a goal by captain John Terry.

Terry headed in a second-half Damien Duff corner after Fabio Rochemback fumbled an attempted goal-line clearance into his own net.

Rochemback had earlier cleared a similar effort to safety as the visitors frustrated the home side.

Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink missed Boro’s best chance when his shot hit the post.

Chelsea had struggled to break the shackles applied by Boro early on and were fortunate not to be behind when Hasselbaink’s chance came after 14 minutes.

Boro striker Yakubu’s shot deflected off Terry to ex-Blues striker Hasselbaink and he looked set to score only for his sidefooted effort to come back off the post.

Hasselbaink missed a great chance to put Boro ahead

The scare proved a wake-up call for Chelsea who almost took the lead at the other end when Damien Duff’s corner was scrambled away by a desperate Boro defence.

Chelsea appealed for handball against Gareth Southgate but, even though the incident was more ball to hand, it was the first of many escapes for the visitors.

The Boro backline was breached by Frank Lampard and it looked ominous for Steve McClaren’s side as the midfielder had a free shot from 18-yards.

But the trademark Lampard long-range strike was straight at keeper Mark Schwarzer, who was quickly in action again when he had to crucially come out and save at the feet of Didier Drogba.

A Terry header from another Blues corner was cleared off the line by Rochemback while Lampard slid in to meet an Arjen Robben cross but saw his shot go wide.

Boro could not be faulted for their work-rate and, after weathering the Chelsea storm, frustrated the champions with their defensive discipline either side of half-time.

But Boro’s resistance was eventually broken when Terry, making his 250th club appearance, got his head to another Duff corner and, although Rochemback was again on the line, he only helped the ball into his own net.

Drogba could have extended Chelsea’s lead but shot over from just eight yards after some wing wizardry by Duff on the right.

In the end, the miss did not prove costly as they secured their 13th top-flight win of the season.

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho:
“It was very difficult. They started well and they had a big chance to score before us.

“After that we dominated and had more chances but they were always organised.

“In the second half we scored and had chances through Didier Drogba and Frank Lampard to kill the game but didn’t.”

Middlesbrough boss Steve McClaren:
“We were disappointed with the result. Sometimes you don’t get the result that the performance deserves.

“We showed fantastic attitude and character. We played to win and very nearly did it.

“I think Chelsea will admit it was probably one of their toughest afternoons here for a long time.”

——————————————————————————–
Chelsea: Cech, Gallas, Ricardo Carvalho, Terry, Del Horno, Robben (Wright-Phillips 74), Gudjohnsen (Geremi 64), Essien, Lampard, Duff, Drogba (Carlton Cole 78).
Subs Not Used: Paulo Ferreira, Cudicini.
Goals: Terry 62.

Middlesbrough: Schwarzer, Bates, Southgate, Riggott, Pogatetz, Morrison (Queudrue 81), Rochemback, Boateng, Doriva, Yakubu, Hasselbaink (Viduka 72).
Subs Not Used: Ehiogu, Jones, Johnson.

Att: 41,666

Ref: M Riley (W Yorkshire).

www.bbc.co.uk/football